Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
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Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am available for nakedness