I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
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so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.