Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
