I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!