Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night