I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
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Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.