Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
worst night to have a conscience
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.