he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
