Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
