OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
