.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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