how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
