Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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