life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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