I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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