listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
