Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
