you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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