It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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