Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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