I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
