The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
