just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
