It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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