hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
