He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
