i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
