Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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