Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
