To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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