did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
