Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
