it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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