She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
