have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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