Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
