well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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