i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
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she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.