Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
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You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.