the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
