so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
