You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home