I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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