May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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