She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.