shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.