Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
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She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.