No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a bag of teeth...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
