So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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