Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
