You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
