I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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