do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
