You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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