handjob tips. give me some.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
