Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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