We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize