Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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