And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
