You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
