you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
