$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
