I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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