How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
