I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
