just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
