and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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