I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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