Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
