Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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