why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
