shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am