What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style