I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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