the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.