We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.