Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
