I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
