Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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