well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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