Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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