I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
