I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
