life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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