yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
