After last night, I could never be a politician.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
