I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
