i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dick very happy bro
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
