in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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