yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
