I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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