Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
