I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Randomize
