fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
